Preserves
 BEANIE CONTROVERSYHang on to your tags, honey, because things are getting ugly out there in Beanie land. And what exactly made this auction so attractive? Was it the marriage break-up? Was it the large font and clever use of colour? Or was it the greed, as a whole bunch of collectors thought they were in for a bargain. Whatever you think you can’t deny 675,000 + page views is not to be sneezed at. So why don’t I let the seller himself tell his tale. To follow is an email from the talented and aptly named thedrunkensailor which reports: Thank you all for the kind hearted responses to the Beanie Auction. I am glad some people got a chuckle out of it. I figured I would let everyone know that my days as a free man are surely limited, as the lady who bought the Beanies (the same lady listed in the auction as Tiasha who used a second ID to bid after I blocked her first) is currently trying to get her money back. I told her that was not going to happen, but she has now filed a fraud case with (ready for this?) the F.B.I. Oh yes! The F.B.I. I figure that as soon as they track down Osama Bin Laden they will dedicate all of the efforts of the bureau to capture and apprehend the likes of a criminal like me! Pray for me my friends, I am a man without a country! LOL Buyer, we have two words for you (and if you’re lucky, we might even spell them correctly): Caveat Emptor! |
 FOR ALL YOU CEILING FANS!The “keepers of morals” over at eBay initially pulled this auction … something to do with its ‘fetish’ element. WE KNOW there’s a whole bunch of filthy pervert buyers on eBay just waiting to carve out a Gross Bra niche for themselves. Heavens, if eBay had allowed this auction listing to stay up, the GBFs (Gross Bra Fanatics) would be angling for their own category. Something like: Home > All Categories > Clothing, Shoes & Accessories > Women’s Clothing > Intimates > Bras > Badly Soiled [Good grief, relax on the mouse button, that’s not a real category link] Anyway, bless the wonderful seller, mamasoul, for she hath faith in a rewrite of her listing — ie remove “fetish element” — and the weird gross thing that fell out of ceiling returned to entertain us for another day. Having raked up over 120,000 visits there seems to be a big demand for this sort of “small”. Either that, or the same three perverts visited the auction listing over, and over, and over again! So you can be your own sad person today, and have a look at the controversial undergarment. I say BRAVO! to the wonderful and entertaining seller mamasoul who so kindly provided us with a giggle on a dull workday and shared with thousands of us, the launch of her new undergarment label, BRADA! |
 THE ROOF RACK, THE BIKES, AND THE BROKEN MARRIAGEThis listing started out in August but because I like it so much, and because it charted more than 20,000 hits I have, with the kind permission of seller bobby*q preserved the listing. Have a look. Initially it appears to be a rather typical auction description for a nice Thule Roof Rack, but after a paragraph things take an amusing turn. |
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C#*P COMPUTER Here’s a timely warning for those too lazy to photograph their own products. Heed this tale. An eBay seller linked their auction to an image on another company’s website. The auction is for a Hewlett Packard 8594E Spectrum Analyzer. So, for a giggle the webmaster switched the image to which the naughty seller had linked, for a different product image. And here’s the really smart part … the image wasn’t changed until after the auction had received some bids. This meant that the seller had no way to edit his auction and was stuck with the substitute picture! Yes, you’d be correct in assuming I still have no idea what a Hewlett Packard 8594E Spectrum Analyzer looks like. [You paid ?WHAT for that piece of crap?] |
 WHAT’S ON TV?This is another 30,000 + view auction, this time from English eBay seller wecantdance. Looks innocent enough, doesn’t it? But, what was he watching on the television at the time he took the photo. Was it the missing Coronation Street episode? |
 CUP OF TEA?This little auction makes its rounds on the internet regularly, and is often erroneously attributed to eBay. In fact, it turned up on the Australian sold.com.au auction site. Admittedly, the seller wasn’t based in Australia, yet it seems that’s where he thought his target audience lay. But WHY, we ask, because the really queer thing is … an American kettle won’t work in Australia! This is what my Granny used to say: “Always wear a shirt with a pocket.” And this is what we say today: “Always wear a shirt with a trouser when you’re using your camera to take photos of reflective items.” |
 SLUG ON THE SOFAOh Sweet Bunnie is back at it again. From the clever seller who brought us Raging Hormones Barbie comes this inactive delight … the Slug on the Sofa Male Inaction Figurine. |
 RAGING HORMONES BARBIEI’m sure it will be some time before we come across another listing where so much time, effort, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, story telling, art direction and superb photography has come together in such a complete fantasy explosion! I believe the seller (*sweet*bunnie*) DOES have a life. In fact I have corresponded with her and she seems so normal it’s scary. She has also very very kindly allowed me to “archive” Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie in the Preserves section. You want the details? Bidding started at a penny! 57 bids later, along with a WHOPPING 307343 Page Views, and Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie has a new patch to play on, with a transfer fee of US$823.46. |
 WORLD’S LONGEST FRENCH FRYreeledit brought us the World’s Longest French Fry, and spawned not only an enormous amount of traffic to his auction page (39,632 visits at screen capture time), but an almost World Record beating amount of copycat auctions. In true eBay fashion, reeledit has produced the Longest French Fry t-shirt, and may we suggest you take time to look at other auctions by this King of Traffic eBay seller. |
